“Are we rich?”
One of the more awkward questions children produce, usually over dinner, usually with guests.
It’s rarely a question about money. Nine times out of ten they’re asking “are we all right?” or “why does my friend have something I don’t?” Answer the question underneath and the awkward one usually dissolves.
Find out why they’re asking
Three reasons cover most cases. Comparison: a friend has something, or went somewhere. Reassurance: they’ve overheard something and want to know everyone is all right. Curiosity: they have just met the word and are trying it out.
Before answering, ask: “What made you think of that?” Five seconds, and it usually tells you which conversation you’re having.
Why “rich” is an awkward word
It’s entirely relative, and a child’s comparison group is whoever they can see. There is always somebody with more, which is why almost nobody at any income describes themselves as rich.
Sorting people into rich and not-rich is also a poor habit to hand over. “Enough” is the more useful word, because it opens a real question: enough for what?
An answer that works at most ages
“We’ve got enough for what we need, and some of what we want. Some families have more and some have less. What matters is what you do with what you’ve got.”
True for most people, invites neither boasting nor shame, and you wouldn’t wince if it were repeated at school.
If money is tight
Don’t say yes. They will work it out, and then start wondering what else wasn’t true.
“Not at the moment, no. We’re being careful just now. But we’ve got what we need and we’re all right.”
Honest, bounded, and it finishes on reassurance, which is usually what they came for.
If you’re comfortably off
Harder than most people expect. A flat “yes” teaches comparison, and it will eventually be repeated in a playground to a child for whom it isn’t true.
“We’re lucky. We’ve got more than a lot of people, and that means being careful with it and generous with it.”
That turns the answer into a value rather than a score.
Answers to avoid
- “That’s not something we talk about.” It teaches that money is shameful, which is the belief this whole site exists to head off.
- Anything you’d hate to hear repeated. Assume it will be, by Tuesday.
- A lie in either direction. Children compare notes, and they remember.
Where to go next
When money is tight goes further into what’s fair to share with a child, and where the line sits between honesty and worry.